Carmen Monica Oprea

We learned that painful and disappointing things happen, often for a reason and for a higher purpose. Sometimes these things work out for good. It’s not important to spend a lot of time and energy figuring out the purpose and the plan for each detail of your life.

It happens that sometimes the car doesn’t start. The dishwasher breaks. We catch a cold. We have a bad day. It helps to accept these irritating annoyances, but we don’t have to understand everything and to try to figure out where it fits into the broad scheme of things. It is important to tend to your responsibilities and to not take everything personally.

Everything happens for a reason. I was going down the street many weeks ago and noticed the building of a luxurious hotel. It looked just like a palace with seventeen stories and two outdoor swimming pools. I wasn’t satisfied with my current job, and I searched the new place on the internet. It just happened that the company was in the process of hiring all personnel for the grand opening. I applied, on multiple jobs, and then I waited. Weeks. Months. I forgot about my applications. And one day, I got the call, I had the interview and got the job offer in the palace.

All I needed was patience. I told myself that if it were meant to be, it would happen. And it did.

We don’t have to query every occurrence to see how it fits into our plan because the plan will reveal itself to us. The lesson here is to learn to solve our problems without always knowing their significance. The lesson is to trust ourselves to live and experience life.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Most juggle with duties and passions, trying our best to find time for all in our busy lives. My friends asked me when I find time to write if I am working all day and I have a home to tend to. My answer is that I set aside one hour for writing every day. I sit in my room and write my thoughts down, I scratch them and write them again in a different form. Some had asked me why do I write? But I am asking you why do we need air? Can we ask the grass why does it need rain? Can we ask the butterflies why do they need wings?

Every day, we receive a call from our duties. It may be the house calling to us, the children calling to us, the work calling to us. We probably wonder when do the painting and the poem call to us?  Perhaps every day. But sometimes we are just too busy listening to everybody else instead of ourselves. Maybe it happens because we convince ourselves that we don’t have time for personal pursuits that bring us contentment if they take a long time. Maybe we just feel guilty for losing ourselves to our desires. Perhaps we don’t hear the whispers of our longings because we don’t want to hear. If we hear the call, we might have to acknowledge it and even respond. If we ought to learn to dance, draw, raise horses, build furniture, we might have to take a class or buy a book, fabric, or a pony.

Some will say that there is no time to be passionate because we have to be practical. Some things will have to wait until we have more time. We find excuses to push aside our longings or to ignore them until we are ready to admit that pursuing them it is essential for our happiness.

George Eliot said that “we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them.”

Love,

Carmen Monica

There are many times when you want to tell how very, very sorry you are about the incapacity to ease someone’s suffering. There are times when you can do something about, and times when you can only witness the struggle with the pain, take a step back and just wait. You learn how to live with losses, with unfulfilled dreams, with betrayal, with the fact that you have been abandoned.

When you feel so lost that nothing makes sense and you ask yourself what to do when you feel this way, try finding a solution that is making a difference. It is unlikely that we will reach the same answer. Some will find help in medication, others will choose religion, others will talk to a friend, or a counselor, or a therapist. A friend may bring you comfort, cuddling a pet may bring you comfort, or a loved one may say things that resonate with you, or a support group of some kind, or dancing, or going for a walk, or yoga. The answer will be different for each of us. Try to discover what makes the most sense to you, and just as life looks worse now and then, it also gets better. Hang on for that moment, and try to find what feels best to you, and makes your life better again.

Try to understand that you couldn’t change what happened, that it wasn’t in your control, but it was in somebody else’s hands. You will always miss the ones you’ve lost, but in time, you will feel more peaceful about it. Sometimes, the loss is immense, but in time, you will laugh and smile when you remember silly things and fun times you’ve spent together.

The ones we love and lose remain in our hearts forever.

Love,

Carmen Monica

The scent is an irresistible magnet drawing the heart and imagination. How many of us hadn’t said, “so glad I’m finally home” when we returned from a trip? There is no place like home because no other place smells like home. As I write, the delicious aroma of baked chicken smothered in lemon sauce fills the house.

A fragrant home is a simple pleasure. Every day air the rooms, even in the winter, by opening the windows wide and letting the fresh air circulate. In the summer days, when the windows are closed to keep the air conditioning, wait until the evening when it cools down. But after a summer shower, open the windows for a delightful scent.

If you have animals, use a baking soda carpet freshener every time you vacuum to eliminate odors. We become used to the smell of our pets, but it can be overpowering to unsuspecting visitors. Add scented powder to the vacuum cleaner bag to diffuse fragrance as you clean the carpets. Clean with pine cleaners for an invigorating scent.

Simmer apple cider, cinnamon, and cloves in water if your home expects prospective buyers. It creates a cozy, inviting atmosphere. Scented candles and incense bring romance to a room setting. Hang scented padded hangers and sachets in the closets, and line drawers with scented paper. Burn aromatic woods in the fireplaces. Set bowls of potpourri throughout the house. I like to use florals in the spring and summer, and spicy potpourri in the fall and winter.

Our days at home can be full of fragrant moments once we start to savor the romance of scented rooms.

I’d like to close with two verses from Ralph Waldo Emerson,

“I wish that life should not be cheap, but sacred,

I wish the days to be as centuries, loaded, fragrant.”

Love,

Carmen Monica

I’ve been thinking about forms of communication that we’ve come to take for granted. Things are very easy now with cell phones, text messages, and e-mail. Regardless of what we have on our minds, we can tell our friends, acquaintances, family members, whether they are available, concerned or not. If we have anything on my mind, we send an e-mail or text, and then it’s becoming their problem too. The issue is, there is no human being on the other end of that line. We don’t hear a voice, we don’t have a conversation, we don’t have to listen to what they think about it. It’s a strictly one-way street, independent of time differences or convenient times. And similarly, they can answer whether we are awake, at home, or available, or not.

For a chat between two human beings, or worse, to have a relationship, I think that e-mail and texts fall short. No exchange happens. I miss the human feel or the voice to go with the message. There are whole romances that are conducted by text, without a single phone call. Many adults work at home. In these cases, there is no accidental meeting of cute girls or guys at the fax machine or water cooler. People in their 30’s and 40’s discover how hard it is to meet someone. And people in their 50’s and upwards are having an even tougher time. They get e-mails from their friends, they can find anyone on the Internet or use an Internet dating service to meet someone, but it seems to be a lot less face to face, voice to voice contact these days. That tells me that people at every socioeconomic level, with every imaginable kind of education, are having a hard time meeting people, finding a romance, or maybe even making new friends.

I believe we are losing something important as a consequence of technology. We are on the brink of losing human contact, the pleasure of hearing someone’s voice on the phone, and a possibility to talk, to interrupt each other and to laugh or put a disagreement to rest, rather than simply dropping a bomb on the other person by e-mail or text.  Sometimes the hurt that causes is hard to fix. I think it’s something to watch out for—that we don’t trade convenience for something far more important: the sound of a person’s voice, their touch, and the unique look in their eyes. We forget too quickly the human being on the other end of those messages. And they forget about us.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Good manners and pride lead us to reduce some of the horrible things we go through, and the ones around us minimize it too, perhaps to make us feel better about it, or because they don’t know what else to say. There is some good in that theory because we can’t sit around crying all the time. Maybe your boyfriend dumps you, or you break up mutually, and everybody assures you that you’re better off, and you’ll find a better guy in no time, and it’s a blessing in disguise. You go through a  divorce, and your heart breaks, or you lose someone you love some other way, and you swear you’re fine because it’s just too awkward or agonizing to admit that you’re sitting at home, weeping every night, and think that your world will never be the same again. And everyone will tell you that it’s better sooner than later, and a great thing that you didn’t lose more time. You lose a job, and everyone says you’ll find a much better one that uses all your talents, and once again we say we’re well when you’re wondering how the hell you’re to pay the rent.

Dignity makes us swear that we’re “fine,” and that’s not entirely a bad thing. Because the world doesn’t come to an end when something bad happens, and hopefully something good will happen after that. We must remember that after the storm, the sun comes out again. Many of us rarely admit how dazed we are by the bad stuff happening to us. Not too long ago, I was let down by people I trusted and dealt with the situations wisely and calmly, and I worked hard to not appear upset by it, although I was.

I shared both experiences with a friend, not wanting to make a big deal of it and she looked at me saying: “Oh, my God, that is awful!” She totally understood how upset I was, even more than I did. And surprisingly, I felt okay to admit it, and not just try to be grown up and polite about it. I come from a European background where you just don’t confess how upset you are, and you deal with it gently and graciously. My friend said that it sucked, and I had to laugh because it did suck, and it was horrifying, and all of a sudden I didn’t have to assure anyone that I was well. I am fine, but I was offended for a while.

We don’t always have to be well-mannered and tell the ones closest to us that we’re fine, and what they did wasn’t so awful. It was healing to hear my friend confirm my feelings and the experiences. She was absolutely right that it sucked. Sometimes things that happen are terrible, and it’s okay to say it. And hearing someone I respect say that made me feel so much better.

In conclusion, we don’t always have to say we’re fine if we’re not and maybe we should tell the people who upset us how much they upset us and held them be accountable for it. It’s okay not to be okay. And I believe that admitting it when things are lousy, even if for a moment, helps us to be fine in the end, and maybe a lot faster if we say “this sucks” instead of “I’m fine.”

Love,

Carmen Monica

Today I miss you more than yesterday. I listen to the wind to find you in its hum. I listen to the birds to remember your voice in their signing. Even when I search for you, I know that I don’t have to search very far because you are everywhere and in everything. If a gust of wind touches my cheeks, I know it is you caressing me. When the rain falls over me, I know it is you crying for me. When butterflies surround me, I know it is you walking with me on this long road called life.

You were my first best friend, my confidant, and my advisor. You taught me how to walk, you caught me when I fell and covered my bruised knees with bandages and took the pain away with chocolate. You planted in me the love for books and the passion for finding my balance in nature. Nothing is too hard if you put your heart into it. Nothing is unattainable if you set your mind to do it. Nothing is impossible if you sprinkle everything you do with love.

Thank you for all the nights you’ve spent caring for me, for all the advice you’ve given me, for teaching me to pull through the knots, and for telling me that the sky is my only limit. You’ve been the first person to believe in me and my dreams. Your touch had magic and every difficult situation faded in your presence. If I’d be born a thousand times I wish you’d be my mother in each and every one of them.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Love is a part of you. It enhances who you are. It is part of a greater whole. This genuine feeling comes from within, and not from another person. Love grows with you. You can’t find it in books, or movies, but only in the depths of your soul. It comes from you. If you release love more often, your heart will open.

It is important to believe in something more powerful that what you can see, bigger than you. Believe in something different than everyone else believes to be true. Trust and allow things to fall into place for you, just once, and take a step back. What it happened? You notice that control is an illusion and when you let go, you break attachments. You become free of obligations, free of rules, free to follow your will and your desires. You become complete because you realize that when you give love, the Universe will always return more.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Where there is a woman, there is always magic. I believe that where there is a woman, there should be a mystery. What intrigues me the most is the allure of how women seem to pull it all together without effort. This is an aspect of the feminine charm that invites investigation.

I see them in business meetings confident, assured, and in command, or smiling in the hallways at school waiting to pick up their kids. They don’t look frazzled, fatigued, or fed up. They look fabulous. They don’t simply juggle, but they fly through the air with the greatest of ease. I wonder what their secret is. Is it money, being well organized, positive thinking, or a profound spiritual connection?

I wonder if the computer ever breaks down when they are on deadlines; if the kids ever cry; if they have to take the dog to the vet. Some women, without missing a beat, can wipe a snotty nose, change a dirty diaper, sew a button on a coat, and help someone with homework. I pause for a moment, wondering what they would do if that woman weren’t there.

There is always the mystery of what will happen next. Instead of worrying, I choose to take joy in my life, a heartbeat at a time. Maybe my face will never end up on the main screen, but I arrived at an inner awareness that just living and loving is all is alluring enough.

Solitude opens a door that separates two worlds: the life we lead today and the life we yearn for so deeply inside our hearts. What we have to do is embark on the search for our authentic selves, and we will see the results begin to blossom in our lives. There are ways to regenerate, and once we realize how important solitude is to our experience, we will start to experience inner harmony. Once we learn to respect and cherish our need for solitude, opportunities will arrive in which we can learn to nourish our imagination and nurture our souls.

We must begin slowly and take comfort in knowing that even stolen moments of solitude can add up to a lifetime of serenity. When we feel drained, we must return to the places where we feel recharged. These places could take the form of a book, a movie or a stroll in the park.

We should be patient and shouldn’t expect too much too soon, especially when arranging our schedules means dealing with family emergencies or expectations of what we’re supposed to do and when. We must be patient.

And during those days when we don’t have a moment for ourselves, we should remember that even if life is complicated, it is within our power to make it simple.

Love,

Carmen Monica