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It is inner work. Being more aware of my thoughts, feelings, behaviors, the subjective assumptions, patterns, and beliefs that drive my choices. What I value and what brings meaning and purpose to my life. How to care for me emotionally, mentally, financially and physically. How to create the life and the relationships I truly desire.

Begin this journey with your relationship with yourself. The reward would be a life lived with a deep sense of meaning, inner confidence, and calmness, compassion, connection, and empowerment.

Self-compassion is the most radically transformative practice I use. It helped me cope with many of the difficulties I’ve faced, ranging from the everyday challenges, not being my best in relationships, feeling overwhelmed by all I have to do in a day to larger problems like financial struggles, relationship breakdowns and the loss of loved ones. It helped me become kinder and more compassionate not just with myself but also with others. In fact, I don’t know of any other practice that changed me so much. One of the changes is being able to turn harsh self-talk into kind self-talk even when I’m experiencing nervousness and fear. I push away thoughts of making mistakes, debates about being good enough at a certain task or wondering what everyone will think about me.

I tell myself that is all right if I make mistakes. In fact, I would definitely make mistakes, and it would be ok. How I am feeling is normal and appropriate as I venture into something new for myself. Also, what anybody else thinks of me isn’t any of my business, and this is the reason why I’ve surrounded myself with wonderful, supportive, conscious people.

My self-compassion practice has helped me through my fears and insecurities and kept me on track with fronting up for the inevitable challenges of a meaningful life. I can’t think of any other self-help that has supported me more than self-compassion.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Life put me in unexpected situations. Some circumstances were manageable, and some were depressing. Many people, including myself, swallow life in an attempt to manage it. Whenever I am anxious, worried, nervous, or depressed, without thinking, I tend to swallow the food or drink a glass of wine to push away the negative experience.

The truth is that I hunger and thirst for inner peace and deeper connection, and not for the food or for a glass of wine.

When I first realized that I swallowed life, I was actually hungry and thirsty for joy and serenity. I discovered self-nurturance. It wasn’t because I was underfed but because my spirit was undernourished. Then, I asked my soul what I needed. I asked myself questions like “How can I love you? What is it you truly need?”

The next time I was tempted to put something into my mouth I took one minute to focus on what I was doing. Was I eating because I was physically hungry, or was I anxious? When I realized I was anxious, I walked. I walked away from the kitchen, I walked away from the house. I chose to walk through the forest and admire nature. I nurtured my soul. If at the end of the day I was pouring myself a glass of wine out of habit, as a signal that it was time to relax, I took a few moments and changed into comfortable clothes and drunk a glass of delicious fruit-flavored mineral water as I prepared dinner. I enjoyed the glass of wine with my meal.

As I nurtured my spirit with kindness, my physical cravings loosened their grip. I know that my soul is hungry and thirsty for a reason and that I am the only one who knows my deeper needs.

Is there anyone today who doesn’t yearn for a simpler life?

When we appreciate how much we already have, we feel the urge to get back to the basics and learn what is actually essential for our happiness. We soon realize what’s important. Is it important for us to work overtime to buy a new dining room set or to attend a soccer game? We must distinguish between our wants and our needs. What we want is not necessary something we need. When we understand the distinction, we are able to make healthy choices. Perhaps, we can refinish the old chairs we already have and add a few colorful cushions. We should welcome simplicity because it is a part of our authentic journey.

True simplicity is a conscious life choice that illuminates our lives from within. It has the power to liberate depressed souls from the bondage and burden of extravagance and excess. Less can mean more. We should stop for a moment and consider how appealing simplicity can be. Visualize a bouquet of yellow roses in a clear vase on a coffee table, the sunlight streaming through sparkling clean windows, the shine of the wooden floors, the shimmering glow, and fragrance of pure beeswax candles. Through the practice of simplicity, our frazzled and exhausted souls can discover the place where they were meant to be.

Every day brings simple gifts when we are willing to search our hearts for the place that is right for each of us.

Love,

Carmen Monica

We’re meant to be hungry every day and to satisfy that hunger every day. Our souls know different kinds of hunger: physical, psychic, emotional, creative and spiritual. We have the gifts reason, imagination, curiosity, discernment. We possess the ability to distinguish between our hungers.

In my twenties, I thought fame would do it. In my thirties, I became convinced that a comma in checking account was the answer. Now, I know that all my seeking can be summed up in one word: contentment.  Now, I realize that being an accomplished woman who shepherds successful creative projects from conception to completion is appealing. In my deepest recesses of my soul, I know that money cannot guarantee happiness. I realized this with certitude when I read that a famous and wealthy author, whose books hover on the best-seller lists for months, had lost a beloved child to a freak accident. While washing the breakfast dishes, I glanced out the kitchen window to see my child playing—safe, healthy, and alive. I knew that famous author would trade all her worldly success in a heartbeat to know again the blessing bestowed upon me. After I had prayed for her, I prayed for myself. Please, let me never forget how rich my wonderful life is right just now. Don’t let me forget that all I have is all I need in my life. Don’t let me forget to give thanks.

I know that I am happy when I take care of all my needs, indulge a few of my wants and have a cushion of savings. These days, contentment is my constant craving. Just as harmful desires sneak up on us a day at a time, so do positive cravings. Meditation, creative movement, moments of self-nurturance that bring contentment—all can become positive habits of well-being. I find that when I take the time to get quiet and go within, take a walk, or ask how can I make the next task more pleasurable, my wants diminish.

Today, consider the desires that really count. Think about what you really need to be content. Then, make sure there are at least three moments today that fulfill your mind, spirit, and body.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Hi Everyone,

I’m busy writing, cozy at my desk, with my notes all over the place, things to munch and a cup of tea, working on my new book. I’ll get back to the blog when I can! Bellow is the first look into the novel Unveiled Secrets.

One

” The apartment still wore my mother’s scent, a combination of lemon and clay. Her room remained intact—the same silk curtains hanging at windows, books about molding clay lying open on the floor and pictures on her desk gathering slight traces of dust. I picked up a photo from the nightstand. I was twenty-one, and my mother and I were in Egypt, visiting the pyramids. That was fourteen years ago. My mother, Gabriela, looked youthful with her hair in a ponytail and her skin tanned from the daily exposure to the Egyptian sun. After that trip, we had never been able to put our schedules in agreement and, after constant failures, we decided that it would be best not to make plans together. That was the reason the trip to Egypt was ever so special.

Since her sudden death—five months ago, I often came into her room to breathe in the fragrance lingering in the things she had touched. There was still unfinished work in Gabriela’s studio. Her apron was still on the back of a chair, three unopened cans with clay lay on shelves along with prints for orders she would never finish. Her funeral was short and painful. Clair, her best friend, helped me scatter her ashes across the Black Lake during a freezing February afternoon. She hugged me tightly and told me to come and visit her in Vigo Bay. I promised Clair that I would do so on my first vacation. But then life happened in between—and Denis Fraga.

Why didn’t Gabriela tell me my parents’ story when she had the chance? What terrifying secret did she keep from me? When I asked her about it, she said, “Leila, the answers you seek are in the diary.”

The only thing I knew for sure was that she had adopted me when I was five. I just assumed that my biological parents were dead. It made complete sense to think they were dead. If they were dead, then I understood the reason behind my adoption. Gabriela didn’t confirm or deny, and I dropped the issue after many unsuccessful attempts. For the first time in thirty-five years, I was on the verge of finding out the truth, and the thought was exciting.”

Love,

Carmen Monica

Tomorrow is just another chapter in your life. It can bring good news or bad ones. You can meet good people or bad ones. It is within your power to discern among the good and the bad and make a selection. Right or wrong is just a matter of interpretation. Whatever it may be right for someone, it may be a mistake for another.

It is almost spring, and as always I like cleaning up. This winter has been an exciting journey, and the long cold months of shivering are finally replaced by the warm days. The plans I made and the goals I set a long time ago turned out just the way I envisioned them, and once more I am more than happy to say that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I walked blind for so long that today I wonder how did I do it? Where did I find the power to smile every day and pretend I don’t see the truth even when it stared right at me? And my thoughts return to the people surrounding me for all this time, my family, my friends and my colleagues. Thank you for giving me a reason to smile every day. You are my heart and soul, and the reason for my happiness. Our paths will intersect one day again, and it will be a glorious moment.

Love,

Carmen Monica

When I worry about the loved ones, I become more focus and get clarity about what is important. Living is important. Every day is a gift and one more chance to get it right.  There are many types of worries, but the ones about the money tease me. Money takes the joy of living and follows me around like a menacing shadow. When I worry about the money, I dread the days and agonize at night, and without thinking, I throw away precious hours. I cease to live and merely exist.

One day, I realized that I have the power to change my lifestyle. You can do it too. You have to find that special something that brings contentment into your heart and work on it at least one hour every day. For example, I love to write. There is nothing more captivating than playing with words, arranging them into scenes and creating chapters in a book. I try to write at least two hours every day. Some days, if I am drained, I read so I can learn from the ones more experienced. Each day is an opportunity to improve.

I realized that the simpler I make my life, the happier I become. There is no scarcity of things to make you happy and life worth living. All you must do is find them.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Sometimes my wishes appeared all-consuming. It was easy to lose clarity about what I needed to live. I was hungry for something more in my life, so I began checking glossy magazines and watching movies trying to find answers. They were always blurry. Then I turned to the quietest corner in my home, closed my eyes and emptied my mind. And only after I pushed away all the thoughts, I was able to realize that I had everything I needed and more. I wanted this or that, and after I had them, I realized that I didn’t need them.

To live a fulfilled life, it was important to distinguish between my wants and my needs. Not everything I wanted was beneficial to my needs. I made peace a long time ago with the knowledge that I couldn’t have everything I wanted. Why? Because it was more important to get everything I needed. I asked myself what was it that made me truly happy.  You should do the same. The answers will be different for each of us—a bigger house, a new job, or the perfect someone with whom to share your life. Only after I acknowledged my inner needs, I could harness the energy to manifest them in my life.

If you trust the wisdom of your heart, you will attract what you need.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Do you know how happy are you now?

Most of us know what makes our parents, partners, and children happy. But when it comes to the specific things in life that bring a smile to our faces, we come up short. It ‘s hard to experience moments of happiness if we are not aware of what it is we love. We must learn to enjoy the small, authentic moments that bring us contentment. How about we experience a new cookie recipe or take the time to arrange a bouquet of flowers to appreciate their colors, fragrances, and beauty. Sip a cup of coffee in the sunshine in front of a shop or pause to pet a purring cat.

I delight in shopping for shoes, good books, sudden bursts of laughter, and reading in French. I learned to bake Madeleines. They appeared to be simple but actually required a fair amount of patience and careful following of instructions. In the end, I was rewarded with a truly unique little cake, browned and crispy on the outside and spongy and soft on the inside. They are the perfect accompaniment to my afternoon cup of tea. They come in many flavors: chocolate, vanilla, lavender, and orange. Madeleines are delicious when eaten just from the oven and cooled until barely warm.

Learning to bake this French cake made me happy. I encourage you to discover what makes you happy.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Today, many women feel a sadness that they can’t name. Although they accomplished much of what they set out to do, they sense that something is missing from their lives and they start searching for answers. It sometimes happens that they are staring in the mirror and they don’t recognize the women staring back at them. They look familiar, but they bear little resemblance to the women they are expecting to see.

What went wrong? What is that sadness they can’t name? Perhaps the center of their melancholy is that they miss the women they were meant to be. And even if they ignored their desires for decades, the women they were supposed to be are still there. They didn’t abandon them yet. Instead, the women have been waiting patiently for them to recognize them and reconnect.

Turn away from the world this year and begin to listen to the murmur of your heart. Look inside you. Your silent companion lit candles of love to illuminate the path to discovering who you are. The voyage you were predestined to take has finally begun.

Love,

Carmen Monica