Accepting Love

How many of us have worked hard to make our relationships work? Sometimes they didn’t have a chance because the other person was absent. To compensate for the other person’s absence, we decided to work harder. In fact, we realized that we did the work. This situation will mask the reality for a while, but we usually get tired. Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we are so tired that we stop caring.

If we do all the work in a relationship, it is not loving, giving, or caring. It is called self-defeating because it forms the impression of a bond when in fact there may be none. It allows the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. And because it doesn’t meet our needs, we feel victimized.

In our relationships, we all have temporary periods when one side participates more than the other. This is normal. But if it is a permanent way of engaging in a relationship, it will leave us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry. We can learn to contribute a reasonable amount, to let the relationship find its way to light.

Ask yourself if you do all the calling, the initiating, the giving. Are you the one talking about feelings and thirsting for intimacy? Are you doing all the waiting, the hoping, the work?

You can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is intended to be. You can’t help the process by trying to control it. You do not help yourself, the other person, or the relationship by trying to force it or by doing all the work.

Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and try to understand if it is what you want. Start the day by saying that you will stop doing all the work in your relationships. That you will give yourself and the other person the gift of participating. That you will accept the level your relationships reach when you do your part and let the other person choose what his or her share will be. Today, you will trust your relations to reach their own level. You will not do all the work, but only your share.

Love,

Carmen Monica