Month: May 2017

I’ve been thinking about forms of communication that we’ve come to take for granted. Things are very easy now with cell phones, text messages, and e-mail. Regardless of what we have on our minds, we can tell our friends, acquaintances, family members, whether they are available, concerned or not. If we have anything on my mind, we send an e-mail or text, and then it’s becoming their problem too. The issue is, there is no human being on the other end of that line. We don’t hear a voice, we don’t have a conversation, we don’t have to listen to what they think about it. It’s a strictly one-way street, independent of time differences or convenient times. And similarly, they can answer whether we are awake, at home, or available, or not.

For a chat between two human beings, or worse, to have a relationship, I think that e-mail and texts fall short. No exchange happens. I miss the human feel or the voice to go with the message. There are whole romances that are conducted by text, without a single phone call. Many adults work at home. In these cases, there is no accidental meeting of cute girls or guys at the fax machine or water cooler. People in their 30’s and 40’s discover how hard it is to meet someone. And people in their 50’s and upwards are having an even tougher time. They get e-mails from their friends, they can find anyone on the Internet or use an Internet dating service to meet someone, but it seems to be a lot less face to face, voice to voice contact these days. That tells me that people at every socioeconomic level, with every imaginable kind of education, are having a hard time meeting people, finding a romance, or maybe even making new friends.

I believe we are losing something important as a consequence of technology. We are on the brink of losing human contact, the pleasure of hearing someone’s voice on the phone, and a possibility to talk, to interrupt each other and to laugh or put a disagreement to rest, rather than simply dropping a bomb on the other person by e-mail or text.  Sometimes the hurt that causes is hard to fix. I think it’s something to watch out for—that we don’t trade convenience for something far more important: the sound of a person’s voice, their touch, and the unique look in their eyes. We forget too quickly the human being on the other end of those messages. And they forget about us.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Good manners and pride lead us to reduce some of the horrible things we go through, and the ones around us minimize it too, perhaps to make us feel better about it, or because they don’t know what else to say. There is some good in that theory because we can’t sit around crying all the time. Maybe your boyfriend dumps you, or you break up mutually, and everybody assures you that you’re better off, and you’ll find a better guy in no time, and it’s a blessing in disguise. You go through a  divorce, and your heart breaks, or you lose someone you love some other way, and you swear you’re fine because it’s just too awkward or agonizing to admit that you’re sitting at home, weeping every night, and think that your world will never be the same again. And everyone will tell you that it’s better sooner than later, and a great thing that you didn’t lose more time. You lose a job, and everyone says you’ll find a much better one that uses all your talents, and once again we say we’re well when you’re wondering how the hell you’re to pay the rent.

Dignity makes us swear that we’re “fine,” and that’s not entirely a bad thing. Because the world doesn’t come to an end when something bad happens, and hopefully something good will happen after that. We must remember that after the storm, the sun comes out again. Many of us rarely admit how dazed we are by the bad stuff happening to us. Not too long ago, I was let down by people I trusted and dealt with the situations wisely and calmly, and I worked hard to not appear upset by it, although I was.

I shared both experiences with a friend, not wanting to make a big deal of it and she looked at me saying: “Oh, my God, that is awful!” She totally understood how upset I was, even more than I did. And surprisingly, I felt okay to admit it, and not just try to be grown up and polite about it. I come from a European background where you just don’t confess how upset you are, and you deal with it gently and graciously. My friend said that it sucked, and I had to laugh because it did suck, and it was horrifying, and all of a sudden I didn’t have to assure anyone that I was well. I am fine, but I was offended for a while.

We don’t always have to be well-mannered and tell the ones closest to us that we’re fine, and what they did wasn’t so awful. It was healing to hear my friend confirm my feelings and the experiences. She was absolutely right that it sucked. Sometimes things that happen are terrible, and it’s okay to say it. And hearing someone I respect say that made me feel so much better.

In conclusion, we don’t always have to say we’re fine if we’re not and maybe we should tell the people who upset us how much they upset us and held them be accountable for it. It’s okay not to be okay. And I believe that admitting it when things are lousy, even if for a moment, helps us to be fine in the end, and maybe a lot faster if we say “this sucks” instead of “I’m fine.”

Love,

Carmen Monica

Today I miss you more than yesterday. I listen to the wind to find you in its hum. I listen to the birds to remember your voice in their signing. Even when I search for you, I know that I don’t have to search very far because you are everywhere and in everything. If a gust of wind touches my cheeks, I know it is you caressing me. When the rain falls over me, I know it is you crying for me. When butterflies surround me, I know it is you walking with me on this long road called life.

You were my first best friend, my confidant, and my advisor. You taught me how to walk, you caught me when I fell and covered my bruised knees with bandages and took the pain away with chocolate. You planted in me the love for books and the passion for finding my balance in nature. Nothing is too hard if you put your heart into it. Nothing is unattainable if you set your mind to do it. Nothing is impossible if you sprinkle everything you do with love.

Thank you for all the nights you’ve spent caring for me, for all the advice you’ve given me, for teaching me to pull through the knots, and for telling me that the sky is my only limit. You’ve been the first person to believe in me and my dreams. Your touch had magic and every difficult situation faded in your presence. If I’d be born a thousand times I wish you’d be my mother in each and every one of them.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Love is a part of you. It enhances who you are. It is part of a greater whole. This genuine feeling comes from within, and not from another person. Love grows with you. You can’t find it in books, or movies, but only in the depths of your soul. It comes from you. If you release love more often, your heart will open.

It is important to believe in something more powerful that what you can see, bigger than you. Believe in something different than everyone else believes to be true. Trust and allow things to fall into place for you, just once, and take a step back. What it happened? You notice that control is an illusion and when you let go, you break attachments. You become free of obligations, free of rules, free to follow your will and your desires. You become complete because you realize that when you give love, the Universe will always return more.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Where there is a woman, there is always magic. I believe that where there is a woman, there should be a mystery. What intrigues me the most is the allure of how women seem to pull it all together without effort. This is an aspect of the feminine charm that invites investigation.

I see them in business meetings confident, assured, and in command, or smiling in the hallways at school waiting to pick up their kids. They don’t look frazzled, fatigued, or fed up. They look fabulous. They don’t simply juggle, but they fly through the air with the greatest of ease. I wonder what their secret is. Is it money, being well organized, positive thinking, or a profound spiritual connection?

I wonder if the computer ever breaks down when they are on deadlines; if the kids ever cry; if they have to take the dog to the vet. Some women, without missing a beat, can wipe a snotty nose, change a dirty diaper, sew a button on a coat, and help someone with homework. I pause for a moment, wondering what they would do if that woman weren’t there.

There is always the mystery of what will happen next. Instead of worrying, I choose to take joy in my life, a heartbeat at a time. Maybe my face will never end up on the main screen, but I arrived at an inner awareness that just living and loving is all is alluring enough.