Month: March 2017

It is inner work. Being more aware of my thoughts, feelings, behaviors, the subjective assumptions, patterns, and beliefs that drive my choices. What I value and what brings meaning and purpose to my life. How to care for me emotionally, mentally, financially and physically. How to create the life and the relationships I truly desire.

Begin this journey with your relationship with yourself. The reward would be a life lived with a deep sense of meaning, inner confidence, and calmness, compassion, connection, and empowerment.

Self-compassion is the most radically transformative practice I use. It helped me cope with many of the difficulties I’ve faced, ranging from the everyday challenges, not being my best in relationships, feeling overwhelmed by all I have to do in a day to larger problems like financial struggles, relationship breakdowns and the loss of loved ones. It helped me become kinder and more compassionate not just with myself but also with others. In fact, I don’t know of any other practice that changed me so much. One of the changes is being able to turn harsh self-talk into kind self-talk even when I’m experiencing nervousness and fear. I push away thoughts of making mistakes, debates about being good enough at a certain task or wondering what everyone will think about me.

I tell myself that is all right if I make mistakes. In fact, I would definitely make mistakes, and it would be ok. How I am feeling is normal and appropriate as I venture into something new for myself. Also, what anybody else thinks of me isn’t any of my business, and this is the reason why I’ve surrounded myself with wonderful, supportive, conscious people.

My self-compassion practice has helped me through my fears and insecurities and kept me on track with fronting up for the inevitable challenges of a meaningful life. I can’t think of any other self-help that has supported me more than self-compassion.

Love,

Carmen Monica

Life put me in unexpected situations. Some circumstances were manageable, and some were depressing. Many people, including myself, swallow life in an attempt to manage it. Whenever I am anxious, worried, nervous, or depressed, without thinking, I tend to swallow the food or drink a glass of wine to push away the negative experience.

The truth is that I hunger and thirst for inner peace and deeper connection, and not for the food or for a glass of wine.

When I first realized that I swallowed life, I was actually hungry and thirsty for joy and serenity. I discovered self-nurturance. It wasn’t because I was underfed but because my spirit was undernourished. Then, I asked my soul what I needed. I asked myself questions like “How can I love you? What is it you truly need?”

The next time I was tempted to put something into my mouth I took one minute to focus on what I was doing. Was I eating because I was physically hungry, or was I anxious? When I realized I was anxious, I walked. I walked away from the kitchen, I walked away from the house. I chose to walk through the forest and admire nature. I nurtured my soul. If at the end of the day I was pouring myself a glass of wine out of habit, as a signal that it was time to relax, I took a few moments and changed into comfortable clothes and drunk a glass of delicious fruit-flavored mineral water as I prepared dinner. I enjoyed the glass of wine with my meal.

As I nurtured my spirit with kindness, my physical cravings loosened their grip. I know that my soul is hungry and thirsty for a reason and that I am the only one who knows my deeper needs.

Is there anyone today who doesn’t yearn for a simpler life?

When we appreciate how much we already have, we feel the urge to get back to the basics and learn what is actually essential for our happiness. We soon realize what’s important. Is it important for us to work overtime to buy a new dining room set or to attend a soccer game? We must distinguish between our wants and our needs. What we want is not necessary something we need. When we understand the distinction, we are able to make healthy choices. Perhaps, we can refinish the old chairs we already have and add a few colorful cushions. We should welcome simplicity because it is a part of our authentic journey.

True simplicity is a conscious life choice that illuminates our lives from within. It has the power to liberate depressed souls from the bondage and burden of extravagance and excess. Less can mean more. We should stop for a moment and consider how appealing simplicity can be. Visualize a bouquet of yellow roses in a clear vase on a coffee table, the sunlight streaming through sparkling clean windows, the shine of the wooden floors, the shimmering glow, and fragrance of pure beeswax candles. Through the practice of simplicity, our frazzled and exhausted souls can discover the place where they were meant to be.

Every day brings simple gifts when we are willing to search our hearts for the place that is right for each of us.

Love,

Carmen Monica

We’re meant to be hungry every day and to satisfy that hunger every day. Our souls know different kinds of hunger: physical, psychic, emotional, creative and spiritual. We have the gifts reason, imagination, curiosity, discernment. We possess the ability to distinguish between our hungers.

In my twenties, I thought fame would do it. In my thirties, I became convinced that a comma in checking account was the answer. Now, I know that all my seeking can be summed up in one word: contentment.  Now, I realize that being an accomplished woman who shepherds successful creative projects from conception to completion is appealing. In my deepest recesses of my soul, I know that money cannot guarantee happiness. I realized this with certitude when I read that a famous and wealthy author, whose books hover on the best-seller lists for months, had lost a beloved child to a freak accident. While washing the breakfast dishes, I glanced out the kitchen window to see my child playing—safe, healthy, and alive. I knew that famous author would trade all her worldly success in a heartbeat to know again the blessing bestowed upon me. After I had prayed for her, I prayed for myself. Please, let me never forget how rich my wonderful life is right just now. Don’t let me forget that all I have is all I need in my life. Don’t let me forget to give thanks.

I know that I am happy when I take care of all my needs, indulge a few of my wants and have a cushion of savings. These days, contentment is my constant craving. Just as harmful desires sneak up on us a day at a time, so do positive cravings. Meditation, creative movement, moments of self-nurturance that bring contentment—all can become positive habits of well-being. I find that when I take the time to get quiet and go within, take a walk, or ask how can I make the next task more pleasurable, my wants diminish.

Today, consider the desires that really count. Think about what you really need to be content. Then, make sure there are at least three moments today that fulfill your mind, spirit, and body.

Love,

Carmen Monica